Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Author
Discussion

daqinggregg

1,893 posts

132 months

Saturday 29th June
quotequote all
Really old, but worth a repeat.

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
“Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.'”

The first engineer nodded approvingly “Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit!”

grumpy52

5,660 posts

169 months

Saturday 29th June
quotequote all
You don't know how many back roads your town has until you get a lift from someone without a driving licence.

grumpy52

5,660 posts

169 months

Sunday 30th June
quotequote all
After extensive research scientists have placed dolphins in second place on the list of intelligence.
That pushes women down to third place.

havoc

30,370 posts

238 months

Sunday 30th June
quotequote all
grumpy52 said:
After extensive research scientists have placed dolphins in second place on the list of intelligence.
That pushes women down to third place.
Still no one can push those pesky mice off the top spot!

Sporky

6,563 posts

67 months

Sunday 30th June
quotequote all
havoc said:
grumpy52 said:
After extensive research scientists have placed dolphins in second place on the list of intelligence.
That pushes women down to third place.
Still no one can push those pesky mice off the top spot!
biglaugh

daqinggregg

1,893 posts

132 months

Monday 1st July
quotequote all
Do adolescent male, Latrodectus hasselti; ever wonder what happened to daddy.

paua

5,983 posts

146 months

Monday 1st July
quotequote all
daqinggregg said:
Do adolescent male, Latrodectus hasselti; ever wonder what happened to daddy.
You can have your wicked way with me just once. Make it memorable.
I'm hungry.

Ultra Sound Guy

28,713 posts

197 months

Monday 1st July
quotequote all

Laurel Green

30,809 posts

235 months

Monday 1st July
quotequote all
rofl

EmailAddress

12,542 posts

221 months

Monday 1st July
quotequote all
Is that the guy from Coldplay?

grumpy52

5,660 posts

169 months

Tuesday 2nd July
quotequote all

I've taken on a new supplier, please message me all your requirements

grumpy52

5,660 posts

169 months

Tuesday 2nd July
quotequote all
Modern girls are like a box of chocolates.
Some may have nuts.!

dukeboy749r

2,857 posts

213 months

Tuesday 2nd July
quotequote all
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what? "At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

Ultra Sound Guy

28,713 posts

197 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

DoctorX

7,372 posts

170 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.
Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

thegreenhell

16,071 posts

222 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
DoctorX said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.
Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.
That's going to get you nowhere man.

DoctorX

7,372 posts

170 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
thegreenhell said:
DoctorX said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.
Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.
That's going to get you nowhere man.
Actually, I feel fine.

57Ford

4,201 posts

137 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
DoctorX said:
thegreenhell said:
DoctorX said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.
Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.
That's going to get you nowhere man.
Actually, I feel fine.
You’re the subject of a UEFA investigation now hey Jude?

john2443

6,365 posts

214 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all
Why are none of the England team going to vote tomorrow?

Because they can't find the box, never mind put a cross in it.

Legacywr

12,392 posts

191 months

Wednesday 3rd July
quotequote all